Romance Rheumatism

It is advisable that prior to falling ill, one is supposed to pay a visit to a modern herbalist commonly known as a doctor in the ordinary language of Englishmen. The modern herbalist always advices whenever symptoms of a particular illness persist to look for him/her at a designated place known as the Hospital. That goes for all illnesses including malaria, rioting stomachs that lead to unprecedented visits to the common cubical called the toilet or pleasantly in a civilized courtesy, the restroom. The above illnesses are treatable if you visit a modern herbalist in time. I have been in many incidents a victim of these convectional illnesses but this time around, I was a victim of a common but unique illness. My illness was one unique discomfort that I have baptized Romance Rheumatism. If you prefer identifying illnesses by their scientific name, “Romancilus Rheumatoid” is the preferred identity for this particular fever. I do not know of a single doctor on this planet able to cure Romance Rheumatism. At least none I have met. As far as I am concerned, love sick is an incurable disease. It should be categorized with manageable diseases such as diabetes, cancer and HIV- AIDS. I consider love sick as a disaster that needs to be recognized by the World Health Organization as an epidemic. Managing Romance Rheumatism unlike the above diseases requires the cooperation of either gender who must be suffering from the same fever and finds your illness compatible to hers or his’. Upon determining compatibility to each other, it’s advisable that you combine forces to overcome the monster by forming a hybrid cure. By combining both fevers from either gender and forming a hybrid cure, you survive the illness and blossom into eternal love. Romance Rheumatism therefore, by being converted into eternal love, it stands managed until eternity.

For identifying the illness in case you are infected, let me give you the signs and symptoms. It has to be known that the symptoms differ from individual to individual depending on one’s capability of containing and controlling emotional urges. The symptoms arises after noticing the desired opposite gender that you presumably believe is the type you’ve desired in your entire lifetime. Upon noticing this particular desirable other gender, the symptoms arise instantaneously or gradually considering the ability of one’s emotional madness. The first symptom that may occur is ‘castle building’. Castle building in this circumstance is a brain nostalgia that tells the patient that the only thing lacking in the life of the particular target is you. You believe he or she is the type that needs your type. You tend to imagine things that only occur in other planets and finding both of you in the domicile of these super planets. You tend to relate stars and moon to the brightness that you seek. The second probable symptom is becoming a ‘nocturnal’. Being a nocturnal means the likelihood of you not catching sleep during the night is immense. You become a relative to the bat or a member of the cat family that pretends to sleep during the night while in real sense, preying. If by any chance you afford a wink, then the reality of dreaming about how the target is a beauty or handsome creature is eminent. You see the creature in you and the creature in her/him in a romantic cohabitation. The situation could get worse and embarrassing if you happen to be the kind that speaks while asleep. You become a dream storyteller by narrating the unfolding events in your dream to third parties as you speak aloud throughout the dream.

Lastly but not limited to the aforesaid, the other symptom is ‘stalking’. You tend to translate yourself  to a secret service agent or a private detective by tracking the whereabouts of the intended target in her/his daily movements. The reason for stalking is to establish the likelihood of the desired target being in cohabitation with a person of your own gender. Another reason is to understand the dynamics of your target and the possibility of hope. During this process, heartbreak could be your other disease if it dawns on you that your desired target is engaged and exists in cohabitation by either marriage or circumstance and the little hope that existed in you dwindles. Worse enough, is there being another suitor with obese pockets while yours is deficient and malnourished. An obese pocket translates to the amount of legal tender in one’s pocket giving an indication of what is contained in ones bank account while the malnourished one translate to the opposite of the obese. The obesity and deficiency of ones pocket mostly affects the masculine gender known as males. Calamity would hit harder when the desired target you believed was your type tells you in bold white and black that you do not play in the same league and relegates you to a lower league that he/she believes is your league and ilk. At this point, you aren’t likely to be only heartbroken but also suffer another strain of illness known as depression. In case you already suffer from frail emotion control and can not withstand temptations of Lucifer, the possibility of you buying a rope and tying it around your neck is an option. Other options would be proceeding to the highest level from the ground; preferably, a tree or a skyscraper of a building, overdosing on an insecticide similar to DDT and subsequently declaring you past tense from suicide, is highly achievable.

I happened to catch “Romancilus Rheumatoid” sometime in the past years especially during my teenage. I am therefore qualified through experience to advice you on this matter. When I met the carrier of this fever, I suffered all symptoms but since I wrote this article, I did not go all the way to declaring myself past tense by committing suicide. To fathom the act of suicide is incomprehensible but I do not blame those that have suffered the heartbreaks to that extent. Crimes of passion are a common phenomenon in this day and age and to be sincere, what the society has become I do not believe there even exists genuine love sick. Since my heart reigns on my emotions and my mind chooses when to be emotional, I no longer suffer “Romancilus Rheumatoid” and therefore, I am immune of the aforesaid symptoms. I let nature take its cause. However, I do not discourage anyone from testing the waters and seeking their depths. Find out yourself and tell me.

Compiled by Tickler

Son of ‘The Unquenched’

murungikevin@yahoo.com

Kevin Murungi.          

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